I Too Have “Small Dreams”
After being placed in State PSU on so-called “D day”, I called my father and told him about my placement. When I told him that, I have to stay in Baroda, his first reaction was “why”. They were under the impression that I am Joining Amul and should work at Indore or Bhopal as I had told them earlier. I could quickly sense that he is not happy of my decision of joining a PSU. I asked, what happened? To which he gave me a reply that touched my heart. He told me that, “your brothers are working outside home, and if you will also work outside then who will stay with him when he will retire from Govt Job in next few years? I was dumbfounded. After a moment of silence, I asked him to live with me in accommodation provided by my new employer. He is not concerned about my salary; he said, “Salary is for you what you bring for us”.
Sometimes life tests you and a lot of human being breaks. Before coming to IRMA I was just like any other ordinary guy (I still am) who after passing out of engineering college, without job in hand or in near future. I had to decide where to go, various serious attempts, but all in vain. I didn’t had big dreams for job, just a small one, which was made for me but all attempts, brought depression to my mind. A crucial change had occurred in my life “before” IRMA entrance examination. I lived like an Arrow without head, people knew me by my face and by my behaviour. Which I feel is little part of me.
A beautiful word called “Patience”, which I learned from my life, I can say this is crux of my life. I feel this is derived from my depression which ultimately brings optimism in me. I choose optimism rather than pessimism which can easily get in me because; I understand well that I can not change the externalities of my life. I can just put in my efforts to control them and wait for right time and opportunity. I have always believed that time does not remain constant, it always changes.
“I just live the moments which I am living”.
I came to IRMA for some “objective”; money was not an ultimate objective. Money was and still is only medium to achieve my “objective”. I have limited dreams of wealth and happiness. I want to balance both of these; I don’t want all leisure of wealth, I wish to be happiest person in my life. I want that someone should get angry on me whenever I come back to home late, because h/she is waiting for me. I want someone to call me and ask “How are you”, because h/she is concerned about my happiness. I wish when I go out h/she ask me to take care in journey and inform her/him when I reach there. I wish someone to visit my house and say” I come here because have not seen you for long”. I like to wake up by somebody by shouting “Uttho Kab Tak Soote Rahoge”. H/she is worried because I have to reach somewhere on time.
Now I am going to Complete 26 years of my life, I am on verge on complete my young age because, at this age I have enjoyed my “lack of responsibility” to others, there were so many who could take care of me. But, now onward I am answerable to self and off course for many. I am going to loose liberty of non responsibility in next few days; I loose my luxury to commit mistakes. A “Small Decision” taken by me can bring big happiness in many lives. Now I am going to responsible... really answerable.
Just few years ago in my family, friends, relatives, society and even my aspiration was to get a govt or PSU job ( salary 8 K to up to max 15 K) , two wheeler and own small house at the age of retirement, happy family or at maximum Maruti 800. I would have been happy with the so called “Class” which is same for everyone in my society, but what had I done? I jump from that “Class” to somewhere “higher Class”, now friends have changed, the terms of relationship is changed, and their meaning is more professional than personal.
When I think about my old aspiration, I feel I was happier because, for me it was “everything” in life and I was sure that I would achieve it some day. Now when I am thinking about my dreams, I am not worried about home, luxury car, hefty bank balance and salary, then for what I m looking for? Is it a Rat race....?
When I thinking about making wealth or money, I think how important it is in my life. I feel wealth is important up to certain extent for my life; my family comes first, then my happiness, choice, respect, leisure of time and at last money. The money is one of the most important reasons that create Social Classes in human Society.
I will now become a “Straddler”; I am born and brought up in family of small dreams. Dreams which may be fulfil in future. My condition is very exotic in “new Class”, as I am comfortable in my own “class”. The most difficult job for me is to fit between the two. The bewilderment for me is where do I belong to? The perplexity arises from my value, believes and culture which finds its roots in my family. These roots cannot grow in new “Social Class” because here soil is very different. I am always afraid; I do not want to be alienated from the society, friends, relatives and family where I have lived my past life. I cannot cut my roots from my well-testified values and believes. Until now, I am happy. I want to enjoy, less wealth, with wealth of time, family, friends, relatives and care of them.
Soon I am going to Graduate from IRMA; I feel that I am very different from the person who entered IRMA. The way of life, which I am going to live in future will be very different from the kind of life I had so far. I do not know what will happen in future, but I am sure of not being a “Straddlers” in my life. I don’t have aspiration of big dreams or all luxury of life.
I believe in Gandhi’s saying “There is space of everyone need in this world but no space for everyone greed”. I wish to fulfil my every need, nothing more than that.
At lasts a song from very old T.V serial “Phir vahi Talaash” which I consider well on me Yun
nikal pada hoon safar pe main,mujhe manzilon ki talaash hai.Naye raaste, naye aasmaan, naye hausalon ki talaash hai.
Jahaan bandishon ki ho had khatam,us hasin seher ki talaash hai. (Seher = Dawn)
Jahaan rang-o-khushboo ka ho milan, mujhe us ufaq ki talaash hai. (Ufaq = Horizon)
Love you all
Pradeep PRM 26 kumar.pradeep1091@rediffmail.com